a fragment

I never thought that at 31 years of age a studio apartment would have made me the happiest. In my teens of course, I dreamed of marriage & kids & a white picket fence, in my twenties I dreamed of a huge penthouse or a small house with a lover. Now things have changed.

I moved twice this year. The first time was in a townhouse with a close friend & her horrid boyfriend. I think she wanted to feel better about being in suburbia so she wanted to change me into her. I felt rebellious the entire time – I have a mom, I don’t need another. And it made me resentful. And her slimy older boyfriend was not my cup of tea. I have no problem with porn, but walking upstairs one day and seeing him looking at it in his underwear on the computer he bought for his child made me more than a tad uncomfortable.

But now…now I’m in a studio, the smallest apartment I’ve ever lived in. And I am so happy. Strange. Who needs all that room? Of course I am missing somethings – at this point a chair – but mostly I am pleased. Hardwood floors, clawfoot tub, a fire escape where I can sit outside, a view (well mostly the Volvo dealership but if I look over that I can see the cityscape), and my own kitchen. Heaven is my bathtub.

What do apartments really say about people? I watch so much Law & Order & CSI that I sometimes wonder what people would say exploring my apt.

“Well, she seems to be a great reader…I think she has a bit of everything here,” one detective would say.

“Doesn’t she work in a bookstore? That makes sense. The books appear to be alphabetized & in categories,” another would mention.

“Do people do that anymore? Look, the DVDs are too. Very all over the map as well.”

“She seems to like order”

“The closet isn’t like that, nor the kitchen”


“just the books & dvds. cds are too”

“what are these things? Scarves? She must have 50 of them.”

“mother says she has a knit business – the knit bitch.”

“Interesting name. Appears to have a lot of hats as well.”

“it’s on the tax returns, but doesn’t appear to be making her any money.”

“For fun is it?”

“Seems to be”

“Who’s this in the photos? Boyfriends?”

“Friends say she single. Mentioned a couple of close male friends but they live in Seattle & New York. We checked them out but neither had talked to her for a couple of weeks. “

“Close male friends? “

“They’re gay.”

“Oh. No other close friends in the area?”

“Several., but most say she keeps to herself, doesn’t go out a lot anymore. Very popular at work though.”

“Beer in the fridge…is she a drinker?”

“Friends & family say no. A beer or drink once in awhile in social settings. Guess she went though a heavy drinking phase about a year ago, seems to not like to drink anymore.”


“No. Everyone says no, just vitamin’s & St Johns Wart.”


“Can be that way they say. Won’t see a psych or take real drugs, but has told friends in the past that St. Johns Wart works really well. All coworkers speak highly of her – always outgoing, friendly at work…a bit aloof outside of work.”

To be continued….